Can Betrayal Trauma and a Happy New Years' Celebration Coexist?
Terry Reese • December 22, 2020
"It's the most wonderful time of the year." sang no one ever who is living with betrayal trauma. When you watch movies depicting this time of year, couples seem to be so happy and in love. The kiss at midnight to welcome in a new year seems so romantic. Yet, your discovery of your partner's infidelity or addiction has you reeling in grief and loss. As a result, your holiday celebration may seem to be lacking the 'wonderful' part. So, what can you do about your upcoming New Years' celebration while living with betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma can occur when someone you trust with your safety and security betrays you. It can feel life-shattering to discover an affair, sex, or porn addiction. As a result, the betrayal can create trauma symptoms similar to those of PTSD. The devastation can leave you wondering who that person is that is looking back at you in the mirror. If this sounds familiar, you may be living with betrayal trauma.
Let's talk about some ideas to get through your New Years' celebration while living with betrayal trauma.
What is betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma occurs when someone you depend on significantly violates your trust and sense of security. Likewise, it can be a serious, life-changing condition. The symptoms can be similar to those of PTSD.
For example, symptoms of betrayal trauma include:
- nausea/vomiting
- shaking
- nightmares
- interrupted sleep
- loss or increase in appetite
- headaches/migraines
- body aches
- digestive issues
- lack of energy
Then, symptoms can lead to:
- intense or overwhelming emotions
- anxiety/fear
- obsessive thoughts and flashbacks
- weight loss/ weight gain
- inability to focus or think clearly
- sleeplessness
- depression
- isolation
- lack of trust in self or others
- indecisiveness
- detective mode - you may become obsessed with looking for 'evidence' to prevent another blindside
The good news is, healing is possible, and happiness can return. Healing from betrayal trauma is often a difficult journey. For some couples, the relationship ends. However, others heal and come out stronger together. The important thing to remember is you are not alone. Furthermore, you have every reason to hope brighter days are ahead.
In the meantime, how do you get through your New Years celebration? Is it possible to enjoy the holiday while living with betrayal trauma?
4 ideas that may help your New Years' celebration seem brighter while living with betrayal trauma.
- Self-care. Self-care during this time is critical for both your physical and mental health. While you may not feel like eating, remind yourself healthy eating choices can give you energy and help your mood. Likewise, taking a shower and getting ready for the day may seem to require too much energy. However, good hygiene can help boost your mood and confidence.
- Set boundaries. If you don't want that midnight kiss, that's ok. Set a boundary and stick to it. Likewise, if you will be attending a party together, discuss boundaries ahead of time. Should you drive separate cars? What conversations are off-limits? Will there be any physical touch? Making a plan ahead of time may help reduce your anxiety about going.
- Reach out for support. Betrayal trauma is real. The effects of a violation of trust can be difficult to handle. As a result, you may need support. A trusted friend, family member, religious leader, or therapist may be able to create a safe place for you to get your emotions out. However, if you don't feel like you're ready to talk about what's going on, journaling can be a good back up plan. Releasing your emotions can be very beneficial.
- Allow yourself to distract and celebrate. If you're reeling in grief, the last thing you may want right now is to celebrate. If you don't feel like celebrating, that's ok. On the contrary, a distraction with friends or loved ones may be a great outlet. It's ok to give yourself permission to laugh and celebrate.
At Walk By Faith Counseling, our focus is to help clients heal and recover from betrayal trauma. We would love to talk to you. You can visit our website at walkbyfaithcounseling.com or call us today.
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