Now Is the Time to Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Relationships



You probably already know you won't simply grow out of the effects of childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse? They don't tend to disappear with age. Instead, unprocessed trauma can follow you into your relationships as an adult. If it seems like relationship after relationship falls apart, you may not have to dig too deep to find the answer. Is it possible your self-sabotaging behaviors are costing you meaningful relationships? 

Often, hidden beneath some common behaviors of self-sabotage are negative core beliefs. Insecurities or fears we develop early in life can lead to painful, deeply-rooted ideas that drive specific behaviors. For example, child abuse may lead you to believe that you are unlovable or broken. As a result, you may subconsciously develop negative behaviors that end up solidifying those beliefs. Likewise, these behaviors tend to impact relationships. 

Let's identify self-sabotaging behaviors and how they may affect your relationships.

What Are Self-Sabotaging Behaviors that May Affect Relationships?

It's true; you may be the one person standing in the way of having healthy, happy relationships. Indeed, there are many reasons why this may happen. However, it's likely due to deeply-rooted fears or insecurities and beliefs. Examples of these negative core beliefs include: 

• I'm not enough.
• I'm worthless. 
• No one wants me.
• I'm unloveable.
• I am the only person who will protect me.
• I'll never fit in.
• I don't belong.

The problem, however, is these beliefs subconsciously develop early in life, and you carry them with you everywhere you go. Then, often without realizing it, you find behaviors that tend to protect you from these thoughts. However, they're likely to create issues within relationships and interfere with long-lasting happiness.

This article by the Trauma Institute dives deeper into why negative core beliefs develop and how to get rid of them.

So, what are some examples of self-sabotaging behaviors that may be interfering with your relationships? 

• Pushing your partner away (constant criticism, holding a grudge) 
• Creating drama 
• Keeping your distance, unwilling to commit 
• Unwilling to communicate negative feelings regarding the relationship. 
• Unwillingness to talk about or fix issues
• Needing constant reassurance (anxious attachment)
• Extreme paranoia - believe your partner is cheating without reason
• Addiction (numbing out, escape from facing issues) 
• Silent treatment 
• Not keeping your promises 
• Unwilling to prioritize your relationships 

How to Overcome Self-Sabotaging Behaviors to Fix Relationships

Like anything that needs fixing, the first step is to identify what needs to be fixed. Yet, this can present itself as a challenge because you may not recognize the self-sabotaging behaviors you do.

Next, it will be essential to figure out where the problem is coming from. Therefore, meeting with a therapist may be the best way to find answers and get to the root of the problem. For example, what's driving the behaviors? With the help of a therapist, you may find clarity and answers. Likewise, you can acquire tools to help you heal and improve your relationships.

After you complete individual therapy, the next step may be couples therapy. Here, you can learn how to create new patterns of healthy interactions. 

Walk By Faith Counseling promotes healthy, loving relationships. We work with couples to help raise feelings of empathy and unity. Likewise, we can work with you individually and together. We're here for you, so you can personally heal and also improve your relationship. Contact us today.